Immunity to blame

This post is going to be about how people have immunized themselves to the burden of blame.
(
a relatively shorter post than last, or at least less intense)

I wrote another song you can listen to while reading here:
https://soundcloud.com/kaerus/archways #classical #progressive

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After retreating to our computers for killing time, working and occasionally even romance we are more physically disconnected from people giving us the choice to interact less often. Things like school and work, now too applicable from home is keeping more people at their computers and this is giving us more time to think about our position in society.

We slowly build up barriers capable of letting us prolong our meager existence anonymously assisting or trolling those 12,000km away with nothing but digitally transferred text or alternative communication (such as interacting in a game with abilities and movement).
We do it because it’s readily available almost 24/7 to a good portion of the western population, which is millions of people, millions of potential advocates.

… Enough to disregard our physical social lives almost entirely!
(although I personally see it becoming over saturated very quickly)

Typically, this is the guys, or at least it was 10 years ago; have become less accountable for things like providing income and searching for a partner, and smaller scale things like ‘whose turn it is to do the dishes’ has gone beyond something that causes a fight, to something that automatically declares it’s not our turn because we are ‘too busy’ with ‘more important’ things.

“Gaming” used to be something totally anti-social in the eyes of anyone that wasn’t into it. Old-folk, parents, sisters, school colleagues even. LAN’s occurring more often than gatherings means when the opposite gender is over, they become jealous of the interconnected-ness and seemingly immersed behavior of all the guys, but they still don’t want to join in yet out of fear of exile due to:

A stigma carried from 10 years ago known as “the girl gamer” where girls would go online and join in just for the sake of the ridiculous amount of attention drawn to them by the sheer infrequency of their arrival to an online world. This was made obvious by a clear lack of skill or game knowledge held by even totally new players.
(not that I’m saying there should be rules about how immersed you should feel in a game…) These days it’s still pretty bad, but it’s steadily declining as a hot-topic.
Women are now the ones picking up jobs to try to impress the nerds of the yesteryear by showering them with material gifts like headphones and junk food.

This is turning into too much of a pop-culture post, so I’m gonna get back on track:

This is clearly a case of counter culture becoming mainstream, and it’s happening on an enormous scale. The cycle of responsibility is being pushed around because the immunity to blame has been picked up by the less social, and in numbers, eventually reforming into a larger power has finally become a good place to be, surrounded by attention, curiosity and creativity. The less social remain so with the added bonus of “anonymity”, claiming many identities, but this is dissolving due to social media like facebook’s extreme online presence. It will buckle under it’s own weight sooner or later.

I remember as a kid thinking “yep it’s decided, I could spend my entire life playing video games and listening to this music(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6hL6fkJ1_k), it’s all possible, all I need is a computer”

Alas, that’s when the “thinking” started happening. Since then it’s been entirely downhill, but I think I’m on the rise again much like many other fellow men.
Look out society, nerds are clearly on the rise, but most are still extremely susceptible to seduction and other techniques that let you spend even more money on us.

DOUGLAS WENTWORTH – Armchair philosopher

 

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Prelude to persuasion

What this post will be about

Learning about how persuasion impacts your life on any scale, and how to adapt it for it’s benefits.

Where I draw credibility from

I am fairly new to blogging but I feel I have value to add here because of the sheer amount of time and depth spent thinking into philosophy. This included:
Finding information that will actually benefit myself and others.
Not drawing on pre-existing sources as they will be sooner outdated, and mine will be more unique. (instead I drew from experience and observation)
Needing to break a handful of my own preconceptions about age and gender and other factors to make sure my content was always relevant to all people, these realizations were a little daunting.

Through these means I believe I have gained advantageous knowledge over others in the field of persuasion in written and spoken language.
I learnt many things but all could not be contained in one blog post.

A small chunk of philosophy before we get to it, or you can skip to persuasion.

There are always different ways to utilize a tool for ‘good and evil’, they do not need to be used at all times to have valuable impact so try to apply knowledge in a way that gives as many people the most benefit as possible without overstepping your original purpose in learning.
I want to trade this information to you for your time and support of my blog, sharing to you also means I can get along with more people, more easily when they understand why people react to things non-optimally.

Self evidently the following should be enough to get you hooked, so lets get straight into it:

Persuasion means :

  1. The action or fact of persuading someone or of being persuaded to do or believe something.
  2. A means of persuading someone to do or believe something; an argument or inducement.

If you do not understand this already, the definition is covering ALL forms of persuasive interaction, on purpose or incidental, large scale or small. This kind of persuasion shows up at all times when interacting with others in any situation.

Understanding interactions in general

Every interaction has a purpose behind it, an intention to be realized from one source by the other.

Anyone and everyone who ever says anything coherent has an action they want you to complete, or take their side on an issue. This should be your starting point when trying to understanding the conversation’s direction empathetically.
An interaction is also defined when it is a request for response from a second source.

I know this person wants something from me” is therefore your first logical thought when someone approaches you. Already we come to a decision on weather we trust the opposite person enough to continue talking to them, this decision can be taken lightly because you’re still not making any deals, just allowing them to give you more information to weigh up over the course of the conversation.

Equally, if you are the person about to speak to someone else you should also make a mental note “I want something from this person“, and you may just decide before initiating conversation that you can complete whatever action it is without assistance.

If someone has repeatedly disadvantaged you in the past you declining is an obvious route, but for neutral or previously beneficial cases and learning of an alternative route I will continue;

Aim to finish on a high note

Finishing may seem like a strange place to start, but you need your end goal near the front of your mind during a conversation. Every conversation you have should move towards understanding each others points, before deciding on weather there can be an agreement.

Give both parties the best possible outcome

Create a clean slate in your head for the following conversation and it’s new goals, at this point, it doesn’t matter how badly they have messed up previously or how well they have done by you, we are aiming to create a new mutual benefit.
This step removes risk of anything other than the time spent talking to them. – I personally think all conversations are worth having until you are sure others want to disadvantage you.
If someone is bringing up old mutual benefits they helped create, that is a persuasive technique trying to leverage more out of what they have done previously.
Every person has a wide variety of skills, perks, connections, personality traits and material goods that you likely do not know about on top of the ones they offer you upfront, If you can create a mutually beneficial trade or friendship/relationship, do so because the variety of people you form with will be consistently beneficial to everyone else you are linked to and vice versa.

Bypassing the need for understanding individual techniques

Most people understand already that there are a plethora of potential exacted techniques out there, and learning to utilize/avoid every single one is very time consuming, and difficult to memorize, it can pay off like any other advanced learning in a particular field, but this is not what I’m teaching.

If you can figure out what people DO want, rather than splitting hairs and over-analyzing what they are not even trying to tell you, then you are left in a position where you can…

Get to the point QUICKER

All relationships are beneficial when non-disruptive of each other, simply due to the potential of opportunity, however; getting to the point is not always as easy as “just saying what you mean”

  • Certain topics require a deeper level of communication, which can’t be achieved easily in the first instance of meeting
  • You may say something with a slightly incorrect meaning
  • The other person may not understand a meaning the same way as you

(accuracy in meaning is subjective, even if the dictionary says it one way, it may be taken in another sense, this doesn’t make someone stupid or illiterate)

You won’t find many people willing to talk about personal subjects when meet without a mutual friend as a buffer, this is more of a natural suspicion of all people, as it’s unusual to request one-on-one interaction with someone you have no prior relation to.

Arriving at the point without the necessary level of trust built up will result in distress and further distrust, often people will be intimidated rather than impressed with your ability to cut to the point and it will be harder to talk with them in the future because they will get defensive.

Taking cases as one individual to another

Attitude; remember you’re trying to benefit the other person too, let them know this is the case and be sincere.
Keep on track; push the conversation towards the less trivial. You might have started talking about your favorite food, but maybe one of you wants to get to the point sooner to feel the relief of sharing.
Outguessing the conversation; this is a bit of a risky move, but you might be able to deduct why someone is acting in an obscure way towards you in 2 seconds flat:
“Is this about _______?”
if you’re at a suitable level of comfort with them, and you are correct on the topic, most people will admit you are after little hesitation and open up to the reasons behind their behavior.

Otherwise:

This is where negative interaction comes in.

Negative interaction is used to “let you know something is wrong” such as cold shouldering, not replying, walking away etc rather than a distinct or positive communication such as a coherent sentence related to the topic you’re conflicted on.

Consider that all negative interaction arises because the topic is;

  • Taboo

This topic is hard to reach in any casual circumstance with all people. This includes anything someone feels uncomfortable bringing up, usually something very personal to them or whoever they are dealing with indirectly.

  • Something the recipient believes you disagree with based on previous encounter

You have proven to them on a previous occasion that you do not agree with what they are saying, and thus they do not want to try to bring it up with you again because they think it will have the same result, but you can still change their mind and become better acquainted with their issues to help in solving them.

  • Something the recipient believes you should be aware of already

Often people may want you to figure out why they are mad at you; people call this ‘bitchiness’ or ‘mind-games’.
This will happen when someone believes deep down that your actions at some point have been or are currently immoral in general, or you have acted unfairly towards them.

  • Their feelings are hurt

You have said something about them either to their face, or something they overheard, perhaps out-of-context that they entirely disagree with.

More often than not ALL these are a result of a pesky misscomunication.
If this is the case it’s not the topic that’s even relevant, often a precise definition of a single word will cause this.
Try to figure out where the conflict lies without re-treading on the conflicting topics themselves and it can result in an immediate remedy of the relationship.

Fixing the broken communication

If you are at this stage with someone, or you notice you are the person displaying these traits, it means you might want to tread carefully; misconduct will result in further defensiveness or a break-off of the mutuality.

Often whoever is defensive may initiate a break in communication occurring for a lengthy period of time wasting both of your time that could be spent being happier with each other, so try not to let that happen because after this point, reasoning with them will also make them edgier.

You are not “right”. – Final tips

People have opinions and make decisions based on those opinions, often without your permission hundreds of times a day.
You’re typically not required as a person unless you have something of value, so make sure to make even trades with people when approached because the initiator is less likely to be shorthanded.
This links back to the idea of every interaction having a purpose.

It’s so much easier for us to see others make mistakes and harder to see our own.
The only way you can be sure of something is when:
A) it works
B) no one can disprove it

This means you must accept challengers to your perspectives as legitimate attempts if you want your knowledge to retain it’s integrity, doing so with a mind open to the possibility of an improvement is a brilliant way to continually enhance your mutual knowledge.

Part of being smart is knowing other people are not stupid, so do not assume people are until you can prove it. If you believe 100% that your way of doing things is incredibly more beneficial towards both parties – you still can’t be arrogant about it or the recipient will still tend to avoid you destroying all mutual benefit.

Take an understanding and respectful approach toward requests and offers. If they do not give you enough benefit in return for your end of the bargain, simply decline politely, no need to shove it back into their face.
People will respect you for being able to do this nicely.

Explain why you are correct, and take turns listening.
Do not cut people off mid-sentence unless they are giving you too many points to dispute at once or you have lost track of their side. If this happens, ask them to restate what they said. If it keeps happening, ask them to think of a new example. This is an uncommon occurrence but you might still might need it to reach common ground.

Lastly – ask yourself if you’re being assertive or an asshole. Look at yourself from their perspective and try to deduct from that what is disrupting your mutuality.
- Will a change in attitude help?
 – Should I take a step back, physically and/or metaphorically?
- Am I confusing them by assuming they know about this topic?
- Are we still on track ?

Almost every single person I’ve known has had some ability to argue. It’s not hard.
After this point in the tutorial you make it up as you go along, this post was a reminder to keep cool about interactions because at minimum it will do little, and at best it will make your life a tonne easier to cope with.

It is only ever up to each individual to push people to whichever limits they think are necessary with their peers, the safest is to interact with no one but that just makes life less livable than it’s potential. This post was intended to help people that never picked up a good sense of communication and want to improve that to a point they can interact often with mutual benefit.

DOUGLAS WENTWORTH – Armchair philosopher

I’d give props to my English teacher from highschool, but she would totally disapprove of the whole ‘lets bypass the actual techniques’ bit.

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How to beat depression.

Intro

Feel free to listen to my non-abrasive drone music to set the mood for reading this at https://soundcloud.com/kaerus/126-2.
Relevantly it was made 1 year ago to cheer myself up.
Having more recently been through what I consider tough realizations, I took down notes to help others skip over theirs more smoothly, everyone experiences similar problems.
Crying is an acceptable way to vent your feelings so you may consider trying that as it releases endorphins so If you’re already sad, this post is likely to make you feel worse before you feel better.
The first question I ask anyone dealing with depression is this:
have you lost something/someone in the past, or do you fear something of the future?
Either of these typically cause depression and/or anxiety.

Definition

Sadness is not depression. If you’re crying you’re not depressed.
Depression is a state of feeling no other typical emotion such as happiness or sadness.
When someone’s expectations are broken the person needs time to compose them-self alone and this often requires disconnecting from close friends and family until the problem is dealt with. This is a natural and intelligent defense mechanism that temporarily pushes yourself out of more possible danger.

Neutralization

The world sucks and you should be cynical with low expectations. People are not worth anything, material stuff is not worth anything, life has no intrinsic value and family/friends are just people you fell into circumstances with. The only thing that does have value is drama which can be derived from greed, stupidity, malice or neglect. It’s a backwards concept and I’m working to change people’s perceptions but for now this works in our favor to help realize we are being depressed due to what must be overrated like everything else.
Something bad happen? Become stronger from your experience, learn and gain advantages no one else has.
I for one would encourage exploring all types of feelings for the purposes of gaining perspective but only to the point that you ‘get what you came for’. If you decide you need to experiment with some weird and dangerous or morbid ideas, your frontal cortex (the virtual reality simulator in your head) is absolutely the place to do it in, now or later, where no one else will get hurt from the outcome like when playing a violent video game.
If you simulate morbid thoughts a few times they won’t bother you as long as bottling them up will because guilt will press them into you until you’re stressed and don’t know why.

Rebuilding

Ask yourself if you can envisage a better life, make sure the answer is yes.
Figure out exactly what mindset you will need to adopt, or what actions you will need to accomplish in order to get to this new point.
Find something obscure to enjoy, and enjoy it more than everyone else.
If they start liking it to, you get to be known as the trendsetter to be followed.
Plan a bit out, but do not continually change direction with your concepts. This will often lead into a cycle of generating new ideas and never actually stopping on one you like. Just choose a direction that sounds nice and move on to step 3.

Creating ‘that difference’

It’s time to roll out your plan.
If you do not act on your new plan to improve the world up to your level of expectations, it will remain bleak and boring for everyone, this may make you depressed.
Anyone can think of a cool idea, ideas are cheap and come by the dozen.
Anyone can start a project. Lots of people get 10% of the way through only to stop short.
Do.
Just start and don’t stop for a good 10 minutes, working on whatever it is you’re aiming to complete according to exactly how it looks in your head. If it feels boring at first try to remember what your goal is, you need a purpose in life, but life isn’t going to give you one.
Everyone will love something you make if you put this much effort into it. I used to think “wahhhh, putting effort in means life isn’t worth living” but I’ve come to genuinely think ‘working’ to some degree is less effort than not working, because trying get by on nothing is a lot of work, and the reaction from others after you develop something innovative or entertaining is a great reward.

DOUGLAS WENTWORTH – Armchair philosopher

Outro

That’s all there is to it.
My life did certainly suck for at least a number of months, but the goal I set was to make my life feel better until it outweighed the bad by working at numerous tasks simultaneously and networking them together, and that is going to take a long time and spawn some amazing work. So far so good, trying itself leaves me more confident. Now to keep it up for a while, and see if I can’t get this to a level of self-employment.

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Trending on my nerves

Damn-it youtube, just be reasonable!

Youtubers have got a lot to compete with, so they have taken to adopting the cheapest shot possible in marketing when advertising ‘their’ music, and it’s BORING.
A near constant flood of this tradition has encompassed a good portion of the sites thumbnails and they are sure persistent.

Ass and/or tits are being used to advertise the
“CANT MISS TOP 10 BEST FULLY SICK DUBSTEP DROPS 2013 (ELECTRO REMIX)” and all of it’s many, many variants.

It’s boring, it’s not outrageous or aggravating in any way that compels people towards more views/subs for your channel in any way or for any reason, even if you were hoping for enraged comments all over your video.

The reason I personally dislike this trend:
Ass and tits has collectively become a developed ‘brand’.
Other than objectification which I’m sure some people find controversial enough;
The brand is devalued, saturated by terrible uploads. In turn this gives everyone else the same impression. I don’t personally have a problem with the devaluing, I can work around that, but the branding issue seems like it’s actually working against you, and it kinda disappoints me that this is the best you can do.
The few exceptions to this is found where a good artists uses the same brand to make themselves unoriginal whereas they could have put up their own logo or artistic image.
Controversy isn’t useful to you if it’s not working for you.

My suggestion ; post a related thumbnail. something that tells the viewer what they are about to watch / listen to.
Animated EQ backgrounds for tracks are usually nice if no video, and this is usually the case in set-uploads from artists or labels, if you don’t need an image, use soundcloud.
-Ass and tits are entirely unrelated to sonic perception of beat and rhythm. 

Come on Youtubers, I know you can do better than this:

DOUGLAS WENTWORTH – Armchair philosopher

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